Sadie! Here are some further comments and elaborations in "coming to terms" format: 1. You emphasized the changing world and society in which we live, and how it is inevitable that we use technology - whether it is good or bad. You state key points about the benefits and consequences of using the Internet, and make a strong case. You used personal anecdotes, quotes, and research to supplement your paper. 2. Keywords that I found were: change, essential, social/society. 3. Yours strengths were your quotes and the examples that you came up with. I loved reading the introduction about our changing culture, and how that has led to the evolvement of human beings and, consequentially, technology. I know you were worried about your conclusion earlier, but it is really much, much better. The way you phrased certain ideas was wonderful - you made them simple enough to grasp, but with eloquent dialogue in the process. A well written and interesting paper!
the last paragraph was really good
ReplyDeleteSadie! Here are some further comments and elaborations in "coming to terms" format:
ReplyDelete1. You emphasized the changing world and society in which we live, and how it is inevitable that we use technology - whether it is good or bad. You state key points about the benefits and consequences of using the Internet, and make a strong case. You used personal anecdotes, quotes, and research to supplement your paper.
2. Keywords that I found were: change, essential, social/society.
3. Yours strengths were your quotes and the examples that you came up with. I loved reading the introduction about our changing culture, and how that has led to the evolvement of human beings and, consequentially, technology. I know you were worried about your conclusion earlier, but it is really much, much better. The way you phrased certain ideas was wonderful - you made them simple enough to grasp, but with eloquent dialogue in the process. A well written and interesting paper!